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Infidelity: Causes, Consequences

CRIME: CAUSES, CONSEQUENCES AND CRISIS OF COUPLE
Therapist. José Jaime Martínez.
Sexologist Specialist in Hypnosis and NLP. Infidelity

ad is experienced as the worst betrayal of the couple and thought that the infidel is guilty of grave damage to the relationship, because, assumes that the relationship you have everything you need to live well.

usually pi ENSA that infidelity is related to sexual encounters extra pair.

But there is also a product of the crisis infidelity or family problems, in this type of infidelity is not just about a sexual event, as the infidel or look for what your partner is not eg intellectual aspects, physical, emotional, attention, economic.

order to understand a little more than unfaithfulness, we must say that there is infidelity long as there first a couple, may be dating, living together, marriage, etc., a short, infidelity is going to affect the relationship a couple.

This arises, in part by our society as they grow and are educated to believe that monogamy be the kind of relationship in which we live and therefore, we have many arguments so state education .

education factors are shaping the morals, values, customs, norms, behaviors, etc. And teach us as people with what is known as a "normal" behavior (normal we mean that within the existing social norm) and normal in our society that we live in couples, I repeat, is a form of social education, and we note that there are other ways, beliefs, values \u200b\u200band customs.

So far, so clear, the problem arises when we realize that people sometimes ask things opposed to what was expected, especially in aspects related to the passion and love.

The passion that sometimes disappears or changes and love that fades when the routine and monotony are filling the pair of bonds, disappointments, bad communication, bad economics, bad health, etc. . But how do you define infidelity then? .- From a quick way we can define as extra marital or extramarital partner, whether sexual or emotional. understand the relationship out of the loop or family commitment, as it had entered into an agreement to be together both sexually and emotionally to each other exclusively, at least is expected. But and What causes infidelity? Contrary to what many think, not a single factor and each set of factors depend on each person and each situation and is therefore very difficult to define that causes infidelity. So if you can advance to understand the factors that predispose people to infidelity: One factor that causes infidelity concerns the choice of the couple themselves .- It is important to note that it is not at all certain that we freely choose the partner, usually the "decision" is given by factors restricted to the circle in which we develop, ie the choice is not random but is highly determined in accordance with our activities, which allow us to "know" or relate to other people. There are even theories that tell us that we are attracted to people who perform duties similar to us, such is the case of the relationships that develop at school, at work in the gym, circles of friends, etc. Usually in relationships where they have episodes of infidelity, produce forms of love and hate or love and pain that is caused to assume that the other "must" meet our needs, which often gives a unconscious level. The requirements are comprehensive and integrated manner, including stress, economic, care, love, sex, protection, fidelity, etc. For example, the complementary pair, where one "boss" and is considered more developed, better, more capable, more money, etc., can be severely affected when the "obedient" obtained, for example achievements which are output from the previous scheme, or understand the relationship from another perspective. In this example, the "obedient", makes a choice of analytical but given the achievements, their relationship becomes a choice based more on trust in itself. The relationship continues as long as the election is ratified by both partners. may be the case that mate choice is based on a desire to avoid depression or not wanting to be "alone with himself" and this makes the choice either of an analytical and when you discover that your partner is not the solution to their problems then seek a extra. above situations, refer to couples unhealthy choices, as they are made of rigid ways of relating to any crisis or problem "vital" for the couple, will be conduct ineffective to resolve or at least make a success of the problems that afflict . And one of the behaviors that make inoperative the relationship is infidelity. At that time, what seemed to love, it is turning into frustration, anger and hatred, which may trigger the search for a lover who is totally opposite to what is the couple, but can also see people general circumstantial boxes may infidelity, for example, the case where a (a) friend (s) or colleague (s) of work becomes the person we hear about the problems we have. The understanding is achieved by having our grief is so great that many of the times can lead to a romance. Since that provides as an emotional release, sometimes this can continue in the relationship, because somehow it does not make it to the couple. This is a logic based on the existence of infidelity in relationships where sex is not important, but the need to feel heard and cared for by someone else. extra marital relationship also gets to present that either of them feel threatened in their autonomy and through other relationships, are able to feel supported or an "extra value" which can cope with things that only (a) could not be. Especially that the relationship can still feel extra degree of autonomy. There are also extra couple relationships when couples feel that threatens the independence and autonomy and are afraid of getting caught (a), in this sense, there are People that once the lover begins his demands, they will seek another relationship again that the "save" both the spouse and the lover "devourer" or they may remain so to avoid being absorbed by both. far we have given an overview of some of the causes of infidelity, and say that it is necessary to maintain a good relationship, to establish some independence and autonomy between partners, for which should consider that: should maintain good effective communication between partners. is recommended to note the bond between partners. is considered important to renew the agreements of the partner. And finally, it is important to recommend the review and want to live, and that loyalty is also an act of conviction, this means that to keep quiet (a) in a relationship, you should plan what type relationship and want to offer, and that infidelity is related to the act of lying or deceiving partner, as this know our intentions. Most couples living in crisis and infidelity is one of the factors that most affect the relationship between two people. Infidelity is a subject of much controversy, but each time is closer to us. Who does not know where a couple was brought infidelity? infidelity are combined in many factors including the individual values \u200b\u200b Attitudes have bias that is education stereotypes that have followed as models in life problems of insecurity. To determine whether the person cheating has degrees of "mental illness" or pathological features, infidelity is presented as repetitive and stereotyped behavior (which makes or has made repeatedly, but always the same circumstances) which results in failure to achieve the development of the couple and sometimes even personal development is limited. infidelity is more common than we think or want to accept, now it is quite easy to find moments and people that facilitate, for example with coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances from school of children, the people you meet online, etc. So infidelity is on the agenda and present everywhere in our lives, making it appear that the theme of unconditional love is changing and there are fewer people living under this principle. is important to discuss this, as from adolescence we're making it the ideal concept of family, that the failure to achieve deep plunges us into conflict, both by disappointment, and the absence of committed love and the frustration of not being able to achieve what had so longed for, as we were prepared to live with a partner. seems that one of the serious problems of infidelity is that no Czech at all with the current values \u200b\u200bof living couples, and the imbalance of values \u200b\u200bbeing represented new behaviors, but these new behaviors, much that we can understand, not cease to be painful and destructive, especially if we refer to the contradiction of what we idealize and what we live. We can say that indeed the couple is in crisis, but also the way we live is in crisis and it will not make society or the couple as a way of life disappear. What we can say that there are uncertainties in the way we live, in how we relate, as well as the expectations we have on others. An example of these changes is that now there are many women who are heads of families, where previously this was the fundamental role of men in the family, but that change. Now we can say that married life is a form of coexistence that is busy about the needs and expectations of modern men and women, because in the couple's sexual needs pinning, economic, roles social, communication, happiness, protection, understanding, etc., etc. and consciously or unconsciously think that the couple will cover all these factors. When these are not met within the relationship as a couple, you may have an affair, in many moments as a "false start" to the problem, because instead of facing it, escapes with someone who "apparently "covers the need or expectation that I had, which can occur in either partner, not as previously believed, that the man was an infidel, it is now equally with women. So we can say that the "putting the horns" is a thing not only of men but also women. Importantly infidelity not happen spontaneously, there are always reasons that cause it. Among the most common reasons that develop infidelity include: · Feeling devalued with or for our partners. Over time with your partner, you see the real features of the personality of our partner and we realize that we had idealized the person with whom we live, and their behavior in many moments of coexistence defraud what we expected from the relationship as a couple. An example is when the couple leaves the other focus only on your personal goals (eg at work) and not in the objectives of the partner and if that time we find a person who makes us feel more valued, we choose for a relationship, sometimes unconsciously, and how an affair begins. · When the monotony comes as a surprise to the couple. Modern life fills us with responsibilities and leaves us little time for living, who would not spend days of work filled with stress? Really leave us exhausted, upon arriving at our house or to see our family, just feel tired and sometimes the "blues" of the day. This leads us to neglect the loving details that are required to live as a couple, we feel the love is gone, there is a distance and we began to feel chained to spend the rest of our days in a relationship that has lost its charm. A marriage mired in routine and boredom usually opens the door for an intruder to reach and address to our partner, as this new person does not represent obligations and if it has the charm of a new relationship, especially with no compromises. · If sex is poor, but sooner or later we want to try something new. Sex is one of the most important areas of the relationship as a couple and if this is not satisfactory, frustration and dissatisfaction is to live consciously or unconsciously. Recall for a moment that if we are unhappy, look outside the relationship is not satisfying your partner, and but you want to believe, check your own fantasies, there are some clues. This has nothing to do with our partner we want, but if in private it does not go well and we did not feel satisfied that the relationship is not exciting, it's easy to get to have sex with another person may be out of frustration, anger or despair of not achieving sexual satisfaction with our partner. · If not managed to cut the umbilical cord, there is a dependency with parents. When the couple depends emotionally from their parents, shows their immaturity, it is not able to set limits with their parents, which affects the couple relationship the constant intrusion of them in the life of the couple, this childish behavior of our partner, we generally filled with a feeling of lack of support, and generally upsets not to find the right place at the relationship and this compels us to seek an extramarital relationship. · In search of new experiences, we humans measure the consequences of our actions. When the monotony takes over the space of the couple is lost seduction, fascination, excitement and sexual expectations, only live boredom in a relationship, and indeed some people need to continue to satisfy their need to feel love. The curiosity to experience sex with other people and live the adventure is so strong that it seeks a "free". · idealize the family, always leads to disappointment. Al idealize a person, usually we will face their shortcomings, seemed the ideal person who had no defects and to address them, we feel cheated, disappointed, etc.. and this becomes an opportunity for infidelity. For this reason we choose as a lover to a person completely opposite to the couple with this new person take out all your sexual fantasies and not with the couple to feel that still retain the concept of "decent." Some couples agree that if it is better to have other sexual experiences with others and therefore are given permission to live in such cases can not talk about infidelity as infidelity is based on deception, to conceal, to lie, but if there is an act agreed to this concept, as in the case of couples swigers. · feel that freedom ends. There are two factors that if combined will cause a slippage in the couple, if one of them has problems with commitment and the other is oppressive and controlling, freedom always seems in danger and we are trapped in a relationship that seems to minimize things to our lives and So in the search for solutions, it is easy to find a couple extra, as this new person makes us feel free, and that mitigates the feeling of suffocation of the relationship as a couple. · The list of factors does not end, infidelity can be given for having the power, which provided a moment for a night of drinking, search new experiences, by fatigue and deterioration of the partners, emotional dissatisfaction, etc ... Finally, if you are or know someone who is having a similar problem, remember that it is best to go for help with a qualified therapist in couples therapy to help them. Laura Aguilar Ramírez. In many parishes there are also talks to couples who are often very helpful to couples, to be moderated by people ready. Because often the causes are not in consort, but within yourself. If one or both members of a couple is emotionally unstable, but especially spiritually is very difficult for his fruitful relationship. infidelity then arises an instability and insecurity of the individual and necessarily affects their partners, arises from a crisis of values, of an emotional crisis, a crisis of identity and recognition to become children of God and therefore , have the right and responsibility to live as such. then I invite you to reflect on your relationship with God. We clarified that the Church is not against therapy for couples, on the contrary, considers them as a tool to strengthen couples. Emotional infidelity Dr. Gregory A. Haglund In the minds of many people, the definition of marital infidelity is quite simple: if you have a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse or life partner, you unfaithful and misleading. Today, therapists and counselors are adding more gray area that definition of infidelity, identifying not only the physical infidelity as forming bonds thereby depriving the husband, wife or partner intimacy, which gives meaning and rationale as partners. As the song says, not forged ties to "a night of drinking", but creates very strong emotional bonds between colleagues and coworkers when they share everything: their aspirations, how your marriage, problems, and let in light of his friendship the secret and intimacy of husbands and partners. "If you share these internal aspects of your life with colleagues and friends, you are cheating your husband or partner, and privacy", according to William Doherty, a professor of Family and Welfare of the University of Minnesota. Some experts have come to consider this a new crisis of infidelity. First it is obvious that gender relations are changing rapidly, not only by the excitement or the thrill of having a new relationship outside of marriage, but also that this infidelity is between people nearby farm, which form deep connections and passionate, before realizing that they have crossed the line from platonic friendship. is a fact that there are now more and more opportunities for the formation of emotional intimacy between men and women to break boundaries between platonic and romantic feelings muddied by friendship. Both changes in the economy and the incursion of more women in the workplace at all levels and massive access to internet, have made it easier and faster the relationship and ties between strangers. Amid this mirage can be very easy to meet someone and suspend reality. On the Internet, a contact can become an ideal romantic without flaws, but virtual end. In the office, an intriguing partner may seem a lot more exciting than the spouse with whom you cohabit and have to raise children, is not it?